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Vessels of Love

December 25, 2011

As I listened to the Christmas Eve sermon at church tonight, with it’s message of bringing Jesus’ light and love out into the world, it dawned on me why I am having such a difficult time healing from the recent events in my life:  for the first time ever, I am not sure where to put my love.

For as long as I can remember in my life, I have had an outlet for the incredible love that was nurtured in me as a child by my family and by God.  I was always involved in youth groups, I volunteered for various organizations, I gave up my spring breaks and summers to build and renovate houses (although “give up” is entirely the wrong way to put it, for I always gained more than I gave), and I’ve always had a job that enabled me to assist people–first immigrants, and now college students–in their efforts to build better lives for themselves and their families.

Then about a month ago, within a week of each other my employer and my fiance placed obstacles to my two biggest outlets for love:  my work and my relationship.  Suddenly I have no significant other and no surrogate sister, niece, nephew, or parents to share my love with where I currently reside, and my connection to the place I work has become distanced by over 100 miles.

Being in my hometown has been a welcome relief to the emptiness I’d been feeling–thank you so much to all my friends and family who have kept me company while I’m here–but I will soon be returning to Billings.  When I do, I need to make it my goal to find an outlet for my love so that I can continue healing.  Perhaps I can become a Big Sister again–there must be a Big Brother/Big Sister program in Billings?–or get involved with a church, or volunteer for an organization.  I want dearly to invest my love into something, I just need to figure out what.

It may seem counterintuitive, but the best way to fill a void from love lost is to give more love out.  Normally the way to fill a void is to pour something into it, but love isn’t like other things.  I think it works like this: God is constantly pouring love into our souls, but we can only hold so much–so the more love we give out, the more love He can pour into us and through us.  This constant flow of love keeps us healthy, happy, and alive.  After all, “These three things remain forever:  faith, hope, and love.  And the greatest of these is love.”  I should know, it’s tattooed on my back

~Merry Christmas everyone~


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