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November 16, 2005

Quarta-feira, 16 de novembro

I had my exit interview with Teach For America this morning.  It
was hard to go to the TFA office knowing that I’m no longer part of the
corps; in fact, it was harder than I thought.  My chest tightened
as I rounded the second-floor corner of the Sovereign Building toward
the TFA office.  I fought back broaching tears as I sat down in
the Program Director’s office to fill out the exit survey she handed to
me, wishing to spill out all of the back-and-forth emotions that have
racked me since school began in September; but instead I was given only
the opportunity to circle multiple-choice answers on an emotionless
survey.

What was your main reason for joining TFA? (Choose one that most
applies).  What was your main reason for leaving TFA?  What
could TFA have done to help you stay in the corps?  Would you
recommend TFA to a friend?  What will you be doing now?

I did have the opportunity to explain my reasoning in a brief written
response on the last page of the survey; but what I really wanted to
share was the feeling of painful disappointed I’m left with upon
leaving TFA.  I put so much time, energy, and money toward dreams
and ideas I really did have for teaching–but for teaching middle
school or high school, not for teaching second grade.  After five
months of incredibly hard work and preparation, I’m leaving with those
dreams still drifting over me, still wondering, Could I have done
it?  Could I have been the motivating secondary teacher I wanted to
be?  Could I have led students to the successes I’ve read and
daydreamed about?  After all I’ve invested, I still don’t
know–and that hurts.

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